Legend of Mana Mysteries
by Hecatonchires
Summary: Several short stories I've written in an effort to appease the inquisitive minds of LoM fans.
1. Preface

Disclaimer: The answering questions with a story was not my idea. It was... Well, I'm not sure, really. But whoever thought it up, they were obviously much smarter than me, because they thought of it before I did. I'm actually a relative latecomer to an ongoing "project" doing stuff like this. I'll start each story with who asked what, to give some context. Note that I write these very infrequently, but if you like what you see, harass me, maybe I'll write more. Heck, I might even take suggestions. So anyhow, sit back, enjoy, and try not to think too hard about it. 


	2. The Mystery of the Lute

Saint Ajora: Why is it you hear Monique sing and Elle sing, but Gilbert playing his [lute] does not change the background tune?  
  
It was a quiet day in Geo, or at least as quiet as it got in such a large city. Only the background bustle of comings and goings outside and the idle chatter of students on their way home were heard in the Sorry, Carl Cafe. Suddenly, the calm air was rent asunder by a piercing cry:  
"OH, my love! We were meant to be together, baby! Come with me to a faraway land!"  
Everyone's favorite (and only, thankfully) lovestruck centaur was accosting Leandra, one of the boardmembers of the Geo Magic Association, a powerful sorceress in her own right.  
"Look, buddy, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm trying to enjoy a drink here, do you mind?"  
Gilbert, dense as ever promptly responded "Then let us drink together, for years of happiness and love to come!" With that, he unslung his lute and began to play, much to the chagrin of everyone in the cafe. To their further horror, he began to sing, as well.  
"Ohh, baby! You know we were meant to fly! I love you so much that I could cry... And if we should ever part... I'll just try again, from the start!"  
Leandra's mood, quickly gone as dark as her favorite Shade flute, prompted immediate action. She mentally cycled through a list of incantations, ANYTHING just to make this oaf shut up. She quickly realized that anything nasty, such at turning him into a toad, would only result in him hounding her until she changed him back. Then, an idea struck her. What if she made his music sound like nothing to everyone else, but he could still hear it fine? He'd ever catch on. She smiled slyly at him, already gathering mana for the effort. Gilbert, as always, totally misinterpreted this.  
"Ohh, sweetness! My singing has won you over! That look! The angelic face of rapture! I can't resist! Give your talented, trail-weary troubador a kiss!"  
"On one condition," she said. "Allow me to examine the instrument which has produced such fine music for me."  
Gilbert was ecstatic. "Anything, my love! For you, I would uproot Gaeus the Earth!"  
Leandra took the lute and enchanted it, so that only the player would hear the wretched melodies that it belched forth. "Now, to get rid of the fool," thought Leandra. Her train of thought was rudely interrupted by a face, grinning inches from hers.  
"Your minstrel awaits his reward! Here's to TRUE LOVE, baby!"  
Leandra sighed. She promised, there was no way to get out of it. She steeled herself, then planted a determined pack on Gilbert's cheek. The response was immediate. His eyes widened, his knees buckled, and the whole bard went tumbling to the floor in a heap.  
"Figures. For all his effort, he's never even been smooched. Probably BECAUSE all his effort." She left before he had the chance to recover.  
So, Gilbert still travels on his endless quest for someone who would rather kiss him than pop him on the kisser, blissfully unaware of his curse. 


	3. Irwin, King of the Fey (Ooh, a pun!)

Sariel: How did Irwin become King of the Faeries?  
  
I really messed around with stuff here. I got the fairies wrong, I played with events, I switched... Oh, you get the idea. I already told you people not to think too hard about this stuff, didn't I?!  
  
Irwin stalked through a flowered meadow, his mind aflame, body tensed, one thought in his mind. "How DARE he?"  
Escad had really done it this time... Irwin had only intended to free Matilda, and this is his repayment? Escad got what he deserved by falling into the underworld. But Matilda... He began to angrily force the thought out of his mind, but it was quickly done for him by a small creature appearing in front of his face, which shouted "HI!" at the top of its tiny lungs. This distraction caused Irwin to slip and fall, tumbling down the slope at a dangerous pace. The fairy followed, squealing "WHEEE!"  
Irwin rose to his feet, glowering. The fairy, however, found the whole matter of a large, hairy, creature glaring at him/her rather amusing, especially since the downhill tumble had covered him in flowers. The effect was something like a perturbed yeti wearing a flowery bath robe.  
"What is the meaning of this?" Irwin demanded.  
"I wanted to play a game!" responded the fairy.  
"I have no time for games. Begone," growled Irwin, now in an even fouler mood.  
"But I wanna play tag! Or hide-and-go-seek! Or soldier!"  
"Soldier?" A spark of an idea had begun to form in Irwin's mind. "Alright, soldier! Take me to your barracks!"  
"Bare WHAT?!" the fairy squeaked.  
Irwin sighed. "The place where all the other soldiers are," he explained.  
"Oohhhh! Okay! Jump in that ring of mushrooms! I'll follow you!"  
The flower-festooned half-demon shambled over to the ring of mushrooms and gingerly stepped inside. Nothing happened. "Well?" he demanded.  
"Oh, I forgot! You have to do the magic dance!" The fairy clapped in anticipation.  
The thought of an army of fairies is all that kept Irwin from crushing the little mocking whelp, hovering inches from his face. After being led through the steps of something vaguely resembling disco, Irwin felt himself falling... And opened his eyes, finding himself surrounded by fairies in a much more colorful, but otherwise unchanged landscape.  
"We're playing soldier!" his guide shouted excitedly. The fairies all set to giggling, and instantly formed ranks in front of Irwin.  
"Excellent..." he chuckled. "Now, my army... We will destroy the world! Go forth, march, bring death and mayhem to the foolish mortal men!"  
The fairies stared at each other, confused. Irwin sighed.  
"Go play really MEAN tricks on people, I meant. And keep a straight face. And look out for the long-haired psychopath."  
"Yes, sir!" the fairies chorused, fighting down a fit of the giggles as they marched forth into Fa'Diel to bring death, destruction, mayhem, and a good deal of mischeif along the way. 


	4. The Jaded Egg

SaintAjora: Why did Rachel have the Jade Egg, and if you skip the quest "Lost Princess", how does Diana get it?   
  
Rachel had searched everywhere, but to no avail. The small jade egg she had bought from the overweight travelling merchant was nowhere to be found. He had come through town just the other day, all smiles and handshakes, selling rather odd things for exorbitant prices. Who'd want an old wagon wheel, iron pots, or greenball buns? One of his items had caught her eye, however. A small jade egg lay nestled in with the rest of his wares. He must have a thing for wings, as he actually gave it to her for a reasonable price... After she got him tipsy on Sacred Malt Elixers. It seems everyone had their weaknesses...  
There seemed to be more to the egg than met the eye, as well. MeiMei, the town fortune teller, had said something about depths unexplored in the egg. A strange, grumpy swordsman with rocky bits had insisted that it smelled like his lost dog or something earlier the very same day. "If it smelled so much like her, perhaps she needed a bath," mused Rachel. A slurred voice snapped her back to the present.  
"Barrtenner'! *hic!* Gimme more boosh!" It was that strange woman with the diamond embedded in her chest that had been coming so often recently. How it got there was none of Rachel's business, she knew, but she couldn't help but imagine gemcutting experiments gone horribly wrong, or an explosion in a jeweler's workshop. Or maybe she just got so drunk that one night she fell on a giant diamond, and it got stuck. She *did* seem to get drunk quite frequently, after all. Sometimes more than once in one night, though how she managed that, Rachel would never know. The diamond flickered as the woman banged her hand on the bar, then noticed that wasn't working, and began using her head.  
"Calm down, calm down, I'll be right there!" Rachel called. She checked under the counter one last time, then sighed and went out front, where the Jumi was sampling beer nuts from a dish near the bar. Wait a second-That's where the egg was! In the beer nut dish! Rachel watched in horror as Diana picked up the egg, not noticing that it wasn't a beer nut in her stupor, and held it up to her lips. A resounding crunch filled the bar. Diana looked up at Rachel blankly.  
"Hey, this nut'sh hard ash a rock... HEY! I'll be buggr'd, it ISH a rock! Dat'sh funny... You wannit?" said Diana, sucking on it thoughtfully.  
Rachel stared at the now slobber-coated egg, her features wrinkling in disgust. "Um, ew. Uh, no thanks, you just... Keep that for now, okay? I don't think I want it any more."  
The inebriated woman started singing "Yay me, I godda purdy rock-ey!" to herself as another Jumi entered, this one with flame-red hair and a ruby embedded in his chest. "Odd," thought Rachel, "They seem to be multiplying."  
Diana giggled as she saw Rubens enter, trying to sit up but failing, instead falling onto the floor. "Dun be so stiff! Ya're gonna turn to stone onna these days, ya know..."  
Rubens apologized to the moth-winged girl profusely, slinging a still singing Diana over his shoulder and exiting the building, muttering something about how he'd like to turn HER to stone. Rachel watched them leave, wondering if perhaps there weren't rocks in their heads, as well as their chests.  



	5. Escad's New Clothes

Julie Lynn: Why does Escad wear spandex?  
  
Niccolo strolled down the sunny cobblestone road leading into Gato Grottoes. The cool breeze, sunlight, and chirping birds were lost on him, his mind was set on one thing: Money. In particular, how to get some. Unfortunately, due to some contract complications, all he had to sell were some leotards left over from a ballet school in Geo...  
"Come now, dear boy! We can't have that," he chided himself. "It's all in the salesmanship... They're... The height of fashion right now! All the rage with the..." He eyed the leotards again. "Lunatics. Never mind that angle, then." He pondered what else they'd be good for as he jaunted towards the shops nestled into the base of the treacherous Grotto cliffs. "Swimming in?" he thought aloud. "No, a Seajack'd probably attack you on sight..."  
Just then, a figure caught his eye. Ah, just the right person to sell these to! She obviously had a ballerina's figure, and even Niccolo had to admit that those flowing locks were quite comely. He could barely contain his excitement as he approached her, the excitement of relieving a customer's wallet of its heavy load and leaving only a smile in its place. Usually Niccolo's, but he wasn't here to make people happy, though he'd never tell a customer that.  
"Excuse me miss, I was wondering-"  
"MISS?!" The ballerina turned around, brushing away a stray lock of hair that had strayed into her face. Niccolo couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something definitely odd about this one. Perhaps it was the oversized sword she leveled at him. "I. Am. Not. A. Miss."  
"T-terribly sorry, sir!" Niccolo backed away, overturning his cart, laden with his ballet school haul. The girlish-figured swordsman eyed the outfits with scorn.  
"And what," he demanded, "Are those?"  
Niccolo's mind raced. Years of practice as a salesman leapt into readiness as he quickly spun a sales pitch. "Well, you see, they're, ah, stretch-adamantite crossweave super light armor! Protective as full Lorimar Iron plate mail, but in a much smaller, lighter package! Stain resistant and stylish, too! Good for fighting off dragons, demons, and rabid fangirls!"  
Escad's eyes turned back to the overturned cart with a new interest. "And why would I want to wear something that makes me look like a pansy?"  
Niccolo considered telling him that there wasn't much to worry about that, he ALREADY looked like one. But, he held his tongue; sales before disservice, after all. "Let me put it for you this way, good sir... With armor THIS tight, there won't be any doubt as to your gender whatsoever."  
The response was immediate. "I'll take Two. Three. No, make that... Oh, give me the whole darn cart!" Moments later, Escad was strutting off with a mound of leotards that dwarfed even the Temple of Healing itself. Niccolo sat next to his cart, counting his earnings and wondering where his most recent customer would put his new wardrobe... But it was none if his concern, his work here was done. The smile trade didn't come easily, Niccolo knew. The only thing left to do was get out of town before Escad started getting comments on his new "armor". 


End file.
